I know you can see me quit avoiding me :(

Everyday I log in just to look at your face .I have come to realize that we are two very different people than we were so many years ago .Yet still I keep thinking nothing has changed .You tell me all of those feelings are there but are they? I just don't know any more .Why do we do this to ourselves ? Why does anybody do this to themselves what is it we hope to accomplish by this pining away for long lost loves like it is going to make our lives any better? I can understand wanting to know what someone has been up to for years but what I don't understand is how we keep on expecting someone to drop what ever it is they are doing to just jump right back into your life .Sadly I am one of those people hanging on to an old love using the excuse we never got closure .When really there was closure the day that you two separated.All of the it isn't fair . I just do not get how one can expect someone to rearrange ones new life to go back 30 yrs ,and yet I still do this .People come and go in and out of your life and if your lucky enough those people that go will come round again and you can reconnect on an adult level and reminisce and remain friends with out having to feel the need to cling to past emotions .Sure old feelings may surface and some things may sting ,but in all you should be happy for the way the other persons life turned out and share the joy in the new life they have made for themselves .Only a loser lives in the past my father always said ,don't hold grudges and never try and make sense of things that have long since past.Just be truly grateful that these people have decided to let you back into their life and rejoice in the happiness that they have found in their own life 

DEF LEPPARD - "Love Bites" (Official Music Video)

Baby daddy drama

I am so tired of all of the shit that is going on min my life right now freaking baby daddy drama !So my daughters youngest child's father is a sick controlling freak !She left him shortly after their son was born and moved back in with me .She tried to make a go of it with her oldest child's father but well that didn't work because physco would not leave her alone and neither would she .So they get back together and he decides he is going to move back in here,he quits his job ,well he actually quits four in the short period that he stayed here .Sat around the house didn't help with the bills and refused to look for a place for him .my daughter and the kids to live.Mean while he has managed to disrespect every one in the house and walk around here like he owns the place .Then one day my fiance comes home and says look you need to go I hate to even come home because you two are fighting all the time ,you can come visit the kids but that's it .So physco moves out but still tries to find a reason to sleep here either by "accidentally falling asleep or by having to make sure his son from a previous relationship has a place to stay since his mother will not watch him .Well this goes on for a few weeks ,until he has to go to court for child support for his oldest ,they drop child support on him with my daughter stating that they were together.Shortly after he quits coming around as much and finally he comes no more.Then we get threatening text crazy phone calls police call the house accusing every one of doing all kinds of ridiculous stuff.He messages me, my guy ,my daughters friends ,and the new person she is currently talking to,sends  random texts trying to get them to violate the no contact order .No one responds .Then today while my daughter is at school my son is sleeping he concocts another hair brained scheme,He sends the police over here saying my son is making threats shows pictures to the police of some things that look incriminating and saying that my son was messaging him making threats ,Which by the way is bullshit because my son doesn't even associate with this person in any way shape or form .we had to give all of our cell phone numbers to the officer.This guy just will not stop ! It isn't going to end very pretty for any of us including him .The only one that can place a restraining order on him is my daughter and she refuses to do so .He has already tried to  muscle his way into our house (and appropriately got his ass handed to him ) and tried to get in here on several occasions .I am just wondering if he will try his shit again tonight ? I really cannot take any more of this crap at all too done/

Mother knows best ? or does she ?

So I found a way to chat with him ,through poker lol then we just went to the original,chat window and we talked ,and we talked ,I did eventually ask if he was happy and he said yes,and asked if I was .He stated that at first he didn't accept my friends request because he didn't know what to say and something about memory lane he didn't want to go down that road  .We eventually did travel down that road and expressed some feelings that I think we left unresolved .My heart lept when he said I was his whole world (back then not now as he does state he is happily married ) When I asked how he met wife number two he laughed and said fb .I then asked if he met wife number two while still married to wife number one ,he declined to answer .I do know that he was married to wife number one for 17 yrs! I would now like to take this time to thank my mother for doing everything in her power to keep me from the love of my life because she thought it was what was best for me :( .17 yrs he stayed with one woman !I havent even seen 17 years with the same person aside from my own children !Thankyou you mom for destroying what could of been a very happy life for me .Instead I am left to a string of bad relationships ,abuse and loneliness for the past almost 30 yrs of my life !(ok Rant over ) I guess the old saying mother knows best is not always true. Oh and did I mention that after my mother pulled us apart thinking that miles and miles between us would work we only lived about an hour from each other for like 10 yrs!but no information highway back then .He has a very good job and is doing well for himself ,me on the other hand struggles every day to find a bright spot .Thank you again mom for doing what you thought was best .How can I ever possibly repay you for the bullshit my life has been since you decided to live it for me back then .